Why is someone a perfectionist

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Great post, it makes a lot of sense. Came back now to work, cause this lifestyle didnt feel good and now i realised after 1,5 months of structure that i cant start any business because im jumping from one idea to the other. Trying to make my next success more perfect, and successful. But thats the problem, its an underlyinng compensation for how i deal with emotions -thats the problem — not the outcome itself.

Thanks for the thoughtful reply James. Nick, I really appreciate the sentiment behind this article. This is one of countless examples…. But then I resume my day-to-day affairs and must make a decision in the form of one action or another or responding to someone, a deadline, an opportunity, etc. I truly believe that when we feel good about ourselves and unconditionally held, there is no need for these behaviors.

The problem is that the response is habitual, like any addictive or compulsive response. Wishing unconditional self-love to us all…. Hi Emily, thank you for your response. Perfectionism, as you explain, can be a major struggle and source of suffering.

Love your writings. I save them and share them with my clients. Are you just an astute student of psychology or do you work in the field as well? Thanks Julie! Yeah, a lot of the ideas from my articles come from content that comes up repeatedly in my own sessions with clients.

Hello, I desire to subscribe for this webpage to obtain latest updates, thus where can i do it please assist. The problem I still have is the feeling that by forcing myself to do nothing and let the sadness, hurt, pain, disapppointment and more wash over me is that it does not pass for me when it needs to.

It is like a bully, hanging around, ready to strike when you mess up. Then the actual consequences from someone crying ensue: you are classed as either weak or sick, shoved onto fat pills that do nothing but make it worse, encouraged to resign from your job and basically cut off from any actual help.

And stating otherwise fails to acknowledge the studies done on mindfulness are of poor quality. If the emotion continues to stick around and even grow, that means that there is still some form of thinking or cognitive elaboration on the emotion happening. This is why I recommend Mindfulness so much—it teaches you how to not think and just observe and be aware of.

Also, you might consider working with a therapist on this since they will be able to provide a lot of in-the-moment guidance and support. Now that I know what to do, I know I can definitely overcome this. Thank you. I just love the article so much.. I hope one day I become a psychiatrist …. I liked the content of the article, though I think the title can be misleading and disheartening. Again, I enjoyed the content of the article, just the title put me in a weird headspace even before reading it.

I knew i was a little bit of a perfectionist but now i realized it affected my daily health and life and I want to change so bad. I do not think I have ever read a better post, so good. Although the word perfectionist had been thrown around with my siblings I had a difficult time connecting to it. I just randomly stumbled on to your article and probably because I am a perfectionist I am discerning with what I read.

I just wanted to let you know what a good job you did with this…thank you. Thank you for this brilliant and comforting article.

Ironically I found it while procrastinating on some work that makes me feel overwhelmed. I also realized that I evade emotional distress by being hyper productivity in other areas, i.

It is a very slippery slope on a long road to a healthy mindset. My perfectionism is crippling and overwhelming. Started when I was about 8 and now I just turned My business failed recently after 25 years and I am not doing well with it, barely able to recall the good times and successes.

Duh, because I am broke! It all cripples my self worth and I realize now my career only worked because I was able to feed my perfectionist side daily in that job, finding validation from others constantly. Not having validation is foreign for me, as my main coping mechanism for most of my life. I have no other escapes but alcohol, and even hobbies bring no relief to the negative self talk.

Sometimes parents knowingly or unknowingly establish perfection as the standard. These parents require straight As in school or flawless piano recitals. Mistakes are also harshly punished in these families.

The punishment may be severe, even abusive. This can include name-calling, yelling, shaming, the silent treatment, and physical punishment. It is conveyed to the child,in words or actions,that mistakes will not be tolerated. Young children have a strong desire to please adults, even abusive adults. Children dont have the thinking skills or life experience to understand that sometimes adults are wrong.

Children are at the mercy of adults when it comes to building their self-worth. Perfectionism can also be learned by children growing up around highly successful, perfectionist parents who model this way of thinking and acting.

Perfectionism is encouraged when children arepraised excessively for their achievements rather than their efforts or progress. Being perfect can also be a defense against a chaotic, unpredictable or unsafe home. Culture and the media also have a strong influence on perfectionism.