Why do domestic abusers abuse people

Domestic violence can increase the risk of developing mental health disorders such as depression , deliberate self-harm and post-traumatic stress disorder PTSD. Domestic violence can have a devastating effect on children , even if the child is not a direct victim of violence. They may not learn about good relationships , and are more likely to use controlling and manipulative behaviour themselves.

If abuse happens once, it can happen again. It can progress into a 'cycle of abuse' that may involve different phases. First there is a build-up — tension starts to increase, with verbal, emotional or financial abuse.

This may then be followed by the stand over , when the behaviour gets worse and the person being abused may feel they are 'walking on egg shells'. Afterwards, the abuser may feel remorse , when they are ashamed of their behaviour and try to justify it. The abuser may seem distant or start a pursuit , when they promise not to do it again, make excuses or pay more attention to the person they have abused.

Both people then may enter a honeymoon phase, when they both are in denial about how bad the abuse is. If you think you are in an abusive relationship, or know someone who might be, get help now. Trust your 'gut instincts'. If you are in danger, protect yourself.

Get out of the situation and call the police. Then come up with a plan — decide what to do the next time something bad happens. If you feel safe to confront the other person, tell them that their behaviour is unacceptable. Set boundaries about what you will and will not accept. You could also seek counselling, either together or alone. For many people who experience domestic violence, the most important first step is to find safe housing, including for any children involved.

The police should be contacted, and ongoing legal protection arranged, such as an apprehended violence order AVO. Some people may need financial assistance to establish a new home in safety. Both victims and perpetrators require support and assistance to recover, and may have mental health issues that need to be addressed.

Types of therapy for those recovering from domestic violence includes supportive therapy, self-esteem building, self-empowerment techniques and trauma therapy. Scroll down for more ways to get help. You can see your GP or contact one of the services listed below. Talk to the person in a sensitive way, letting them know you are worried. If someone is talking to you about domestic violence, you should listen closely and take the abuse seriously. Learn more here about the development and quality assurance of healthdirect content.

Domestic and family violence Anyone can experience domestic and family violence. It happens across communities, ages, cultures and sexes. Read more on Lifeline website. Read more on Office of the eSafety Commissioner website. Family or domestic violence can begin or become worse during pregnancy. Find out what to do if you or someone you know needs help. Get advice, help and support if you are experiencing online abuse as part of domestic and family violence. Read more on MensLine Australia website.

Read more on Intersex Human Rights Australia website. COPE's purpose is to prevent and improve the quality of life of those living with emotional and mental health problems that occur prior to and within the perinatal period.

We support people affected by family and domestic violence by providing information, resources and referrals. Read more on Centrelink website. Read more on Medicare website. As one batterer explained after going through treatment, the abuse was all about control: "I could make her do whatever I wanted. I was trying to intimidate her. I wanted to control her for the simple reason that I knew I could do it.

It made me feel powerful," he suggested. The issues of power and control are essential to an understanding of domestic violence. One way this is accomplished is by becoming familiar with the cycle of violence. Here is an overview of the phases:. This cycle concerns actual physical abuse. It does not take into account other forms of domestic abuse that are used to control, such as:. There are very few resources available for batterers, but generally speaking, many only seek help when ordered by the courts to do so, and most states spend no tax dollars on treatment for batterers, usually offering only incarceration in jail or prison as a solution.

Putting the abuser in jail will stop the violence, but usually only temporarily since no treatment is available. The problem is, the involvement of the police and incarceration can actually trigger greater violence in some cases. The threat of physical harm plus the economic and physical isolation they usually find themselves in makes getting help even more difficult for the victims of domestic abuse. Simply leaving can provoke more and greater violence. If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at for confidential assistance from trained advocates.

For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database. Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life.

Updated May 14, Motivations for intimate partner violence in men and women arrested for domestic violence and court referred to batterer intervention programs.

Partner Abuse. National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence. Understanding men who batter. From vigilance to violence: Mate retention tactics in married couples. J Pers Soc Psychol. Your Privacy Rights. Who Can Be in an Abusive Relationship? Anyone can be abusive and anyone can be the victim of abuse. It happens regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, race or economic background. All of these emotions are normal responses to abuse.

You might also blame yourself for what is happening. Being abusive is a choice.